The Idea of "Family"

Recently I asked my sister what was something she wanted me to write about and she came up with the topic of family members that crossed the line in some regard. It's a topic in which I would probably have things to say about but I figured an even better topic would be to look at the idea of a "Family" from a macro perspective. So that's what this is, maybe it'll cover a little bit of what my sister wanted maybe it won't, who knows. I'm winging this entire piece.

Obviously, everyone is born into a "family". Now whether this family has siblings or parents of any number is up to the particular circumstance of that family. This, to me, is a set rule. There is no way someone is able to skirt this formula with the exception that someone who has just been born into the world loses their mother during the process and also EVERYONE in their family circle whether nuclear or immediate. But mother and child? Family. Parents gone, two siblings against the world? Family. Vin Diesel? Family. Again that, in my opinion, is something that is unavoidable. But what is in our control is whether or not we decide to recognize that family once we are introduced to it.

In chinese culture, and I would imagine a lot of other asian cultures, family loyalty is basically the most important thing that parent(s) try to instill into their kids. There's the typical phrases of "blood is thicker than water", "Family over everything", "you only get one set of parents", and these are fine and all but it over generalizes the population and expects all parents to be kind and caring and basically the bare minimum it should require to be a parent. As with anything in life, this is not the case and it's also just plain manipulative to say to someone. Parents at the end of the day are just people, and they are people who sometimes have no idea how to raise other smaller people, and they are sometimes people who don't even know how to raise themselves, to better themselves. And so quite a number of children get stuck with shitty parents who may or may not have even wanted children in the first place, and those are the people tasked with taking care of them. I hate the phrases mentioned above because this implies that no matter how shitty of a person your parents are to you or to the public in general, you are inclined to stick by them because they brought you into this world. That's fucking stupid.

I'm lucky enough to have great parents and amazing siblings whom I love with every fiber of my being but I also understand that not everyone feels this way about their family. In my eyes, just as you are able to choose whom you want to spend the rest of your life with romantically, you should also be able to choose with whom you want to identify with familially. No one wants you to stay with abusive or toxic S.O's and that rule should apply to family members as well.

One of the hardest parts of dealing with family however circles back to what my sister originally wanted me to cover. Dealing with family members that either share different moral or ethical ideals than you or just family members that cross the line with you in some other form.

I have seen multiple reddit posts where some creepy uncle does some fucked up shit and the rest of the family is just like "Oh thats just how your Uncle Carl is you know. He just like to joke around that all". But that is where the root of the problem lies, because parents or family members would rather sweep issues under the rug than call those pieces of shit out for their behavior because confrontation is basically frowned upon when it comes to other family members. From a young age we're taught to "play nice" with your brothers and sisters and while that may be an okay thing to say if, for example, they ate your fucking crackers or drank your god damn caprisun. But if creepy fucking uncle Carl has misogynistic viewpoints or is always trying to get you to sit on his lap so he can rub your back for whatever fucking reason, "play nice" is out the fucking window.

There's essentially two ways to deal with this. You either sweep it under the rug and avoid the motherfucker at all cost or you call them out on their bullshit. Obviously the second option is the harder one but I would care to wager that it's also much more rewarding in the end. Too many familes are worried that they'll offend the other people if they rat them bitches out but if they want to be fucking wankers then thats their perogative. You're different, you're not here for this bullshit. You want to eat your crackers and drink your fucking caprisun in peace. If your parents or other family members are really "thicker than water" then if some shit were to go down they would be the ones to support you through it. If not, fuck them and go find a better family out there. Too many people are obsessed with the idea that their born-to family is the only family they will ever get and that's absolutely not true. Your family is the one that will support you through anything and will be there for you no matter the circumstances. Whether or not those members are blood related to you bears no importance whatsoever. Now THAT is the main point in trying to drive home.

I understand to a point this is coming from a very privileged viewpoint and that not everyone would be able to just get up and leave from a hostile environment like that. But my hope is that reading this can, to some extent, provide a little motivation or even just nudge them in the right direction to eventually be able to leave, or at the very least do something about it. Being in a shitty situation doesn't mean your STUCK in that situation. But no one can make you leave, you have to be the one to do it, others can only encourage you to do so and I like to believe that this is what this piece is for.

Honestly this subject could branch out into so many different subtopics like requirements to being a parent and different parenting styles and their effectiveness dependent on cultural influences. There's so much to talk about because there's so much at stake when raising a child into an adult. Humans are tasked with shaping another human being, this shit isn't light.

That's basically all I have, I feel like I'm just rambling again. Some loony on the interwebs once again posting his feelings about a certain topic absolutely no one asked for lol. But then again this whole website and the reason why I post is to put out there my thoughts and opinion on shit so I guess if you're reading this, to a certain extent you want to know what I think about something. If that's the case let me know what you'd like me to cover next time, but until then PEACE and LOVE.

Thank you,

Alex